TECHNOLOGY FOR COUNTRY FOLK
(with thanks to Duncan Mortimer for finding it!)

LOG ON:

Making a wood stove hot

LOG OFF:

Too much wood on fire
MONITOR:

Keeping an eye on the wood stove
DOWN LOAD:

Getting the firewood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ:

When you are not careful getting the firewood
FLOPPY DISC:

What you get from trying to tote too much firewood
RAM:

That thing what splits the firewood
HARD DRIVE:

Getting home in the winter time
WINDOWS:

What to shut when its cold outside
SCREEN:

What to shut when its black fly season
BYTE:

What those damn flys do
CHIP:

Munchies for the TV
MICRO CHIP:

What's in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM:

Whatcha do to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX:

Ole Dan Matrix's wife
LAP TOP:

Where the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD:

Where you hang the dang truck keys
SOFTWARE:

Them damn plastic forks and knifes
MOUSE:

What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD:

That's hippie talk for where the mouse lives
MAINFRAME:

Holds up the barn roof
PORT:

Fancy flatlander wine
ENTER:

Fancy talk for "C'Mon in y'all"
CLICK:

What you hear when you cock your gun
DOUBLE CLICK:

When you cock the double barrel
REBOOT:

What you have to do right before bedtime, when you have to go to the outhouse